"Yeah, Call Me Shallow"

(Written 9/12/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Nice MDers Over 35 blog)

I doubt that I'm alone here, but I have a whole lot of reasons for totally rejecting out of hand women as possible girlfriends, and men as buddies.

The idea for this article came from comments on another blog describing Mensa's looks in glowing terms. But I could never date her because she has a "horsey" smile (she arches her upper lip a lot when smiling thereby showing off her gums). Who wants to stare at gums for the rest of their life???

And forget women who chew gum, especially bubble gum. I've had nightmares about, "Oh, yes, baby, right there!"

Another one is a local attorney who does tv commercials. The man does NOT move his upper lip when talking. It's like watching a ventriloquist! Yuck! He and I will never EVER be buddies.

Also on my list would be women who don't shave their legs or armpits, have more that one small tattoo, and women shorter than 5'4" or taller than 5'9".

And I'll never be more than acquaintances with nail-biters, lovers of cruciferous veggies, religious zealots, or anyone who uses a cutesy spelling of their first name.

Some minor annoyances are acceptable IF there are compensations. For example, I hate bumper stickers, but a woman with *great* legs is okay even if her bumper has three various-colored ribbons. NRA stickers are, of course, an automatic disqualifer.

And some characteristics are fine, in moderation, but disgusting otherwise. I like most any perfume on a woman, but if you use so much that you smell like a French whore house, goodbye! And I believe in some absolute male/female differences. I can fart, but you can't. And when we dance, ladies, *I* lead. Deal with it.

I once had a boss who was a wonderful and interesting guy, with undergraduate and law degrees from Harvard. He had great friend potential *until* we ate together. The man ate a salad like a frickin' Hoover vacuum cleaner. He'd stab his fork deep enough into it to get about 1/3rd of a bowl, jam it into his mouth with dressing spraying all over, and then seemingly swallowed it whole. It took him about four minutes to finish a meal. I thought I was gonna hurl every time we ate together.

Yeah, I'm shallow. Sue me...