"Gingerbread Man Armpits and Headless Mannequin Boobage"

(Written by ChristopherK2 11/27/12.)

When a man goes shopping with his lady for clothes for her, he's mindful of several rules. For example, he instantly, reflexively, and loudly says "NO!!!" to any inquiry as to whether an item makes her butt look fat. He's also supposed to frequently compliment her exquisite tastes, and otherwise just generally shut the heck up.

So, the man often has little to actually DO during these trips, especially when she takes 15 or so items to the Ladies' Dressing Room.

I completed such an excursion yesterday with Pamela and it was successful in the sense that she bought a bunch of stuff that she seemed happy with (so far!), and my butt wasn't terribly flat from all of the sitting.

And the sitting is a part of the process most men intensely dislike. We like to DO things and idly sitting (as opposed to *actively* sitting like when watching football on TV) does NOT qualify . So we mostly sit while aimlessly glancing at random crap (NOT other women, of course), thinking about upcoming sporting events, picking our nose, etc.

So, as I'm sitting while Pamela's trying on stuff, I notice two things about Penney's Ladies' Wear section: they use *headless* mannequins; and they have large seasonal signs hanging from the ceiling featuring Xmas themes, notably, Gingerbread Men.

As to the Headless Mannequins, I had a few thoughts. The first being, WHY headless??? The only reason I could see was that they could make them taller without offending more of the Munchkin Women. Another thought involved one lady mannequin with a VERY see-through blouse. Is a Guy allowed to get even mildly aroused by Headless Lady Mannequin Boobage??? How close can he move to it without violating some Puritanical societal rule that leads to being labeled a perv?

Then I noticed that the seasonal signs hanging down all had five or so little light bulbs twinkling away. The Xmas tree ones, for example, had the twinkling lights where you'd expect tree ornaments to be. Kinda cute. But the Gingerbread Man had one at one of his armpits. WTF??? I had never devoted a thought to Gingerbread Man Armpits before. Does one of Penney's maintenance guys have to spray them every day with Mennen for Gingerbread Men? Are they hairy or furry or... hmmm... nude?

But I suppose it could've been worse... they could've put a light bulb at his crotch to twinkle the day away. But I guess that would've raised WAY too many questions. Well, at least for the Guy sitting and waiting for his Lady to *finally* make up her mind about whether she looks better in the Chartreuse & Brown top or the Strawberry Blend one.