"Dead Cats and Hot Blond Babe Cops"

(Written 8/25/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Nice MDers Over 35 Blog)

I'm guessing that you've seldom seen Dead Cats and Hot Blond Babe Cops mentioned together. So, a short story, then a few questions.

The Story

Last night, I answered the door and was met by not one, but TWO, Hot Blond Babe Cops. And there was a Guy Cop in the background.

They were there just to ask me about a Dead Black Cat on my sidewalk. Say what??? They had seen the car accident that killed the cat. No, *I* don't own one, I said. (I wanted to say that I personally HATE cats, but these were Hot Blond Babes, so I didn't want to say anything negative.) I volunteered to ask a pet lover neighbor about local cats, and they asked for a shovel while I was off to my neighbor's.

By the time I returned, all of the cops were gone, and the Dead Black Cat had been moved from my sidewalk to the grass strip between the sidewalk and the street. My front door was still wide open, which minorly pissed me off.

A Few Questions

1. When Guy Cops are at my door, I get all paranoid wondering: WTF *I* did, whether they're going to Rodney King me, and just how long I'll be in jail. With Hot Blond Babe cops, I tend to flash on Playboy centerfolds. Is this normal?

2. Who actually picked up and moved the Dead Black Cat? Was it the Guy Cop, asserting his Male Superiority? Or was it one of the Hot Blond Babe cops, asserting her whatever they assert? Or did they flip coins and the Loser got the job?

3. I don't know much about traditional superstitions, but does a Dead Black Cat first on a *crack* in my sidewalk and then a few feet away in the grass strip mean that I can NEVER EVER walk anywhere near that area again in my entire life? Should I post warning signs for the many passersby? Something like, "Dead Black Cat Crossing"?

4. What's the best approach to impress a Hot Blond Babe Cop? I tend to get all "Yes, ma'am" and stuff around women in uniforms who carry large guns, nightsticks, and can surely beat my ass to a bloody pulp. But I guess I could fake anything for a few minutes.

5. The cops called "animal control" and I did so again this morning. Should I have done something else? I keep beating back images starting with a barbeque grill. ugggh...